Friday, April 4, 2014

Boys are Gross

  I am an expert on boys.  I am the mother of three of them.  Let me be clear about something....I love my boys dearly, but they are gross.  Truly disgusting little human beings.
 I am very rarely surprised by the things my germ infested boys get into.  I walked into Carter's room to put something away.  I found his room in a disheveled heap.  His pillow case was off his pillow and had been turned into a makeshift bag filled with all sorts of explorer gear.  His clothes were strewn.  Dirty clothes were mixed in with clean ones.  Baseball caps and belts with lying about.  Nerf guns and ammunition was left on the floor ready for battle.  Underwear was hanging off the bed.  I just looked around shaking my head.
But then......
I gazed over at his dresser where all of his most prized possessions are stored.  There he keeps an autographed Red Sox Baseball from his brothers, an Auburn football, a trophy......and......
That's when I saw it.
Carter has turned his baseball cup (You know, the one he sticks inside his sweaty underwear during a baseball game)......into a bank.  He is storing his money in his cup!
I walked out of his room laughing at the absurdity.
Boys really are gross.
They pee on the toilet instead of inside it.
Boys dirty socks smell like some sort of chemicals that will singe the hairs from your nose.
They trash their rooms.
Boys smell.
Washing hands before eating is never given a consideration.
Boys must be forced to brush their teeth.
Boys fart and think it is hysterical.
Dirt and mud are a boys favorite place to play.
Boys love all things slimy.
They leave muddy footprints and there is always a ring around their tub.
Toothpaste is covering their sink
Potty humor is tops on a boys joke repertoire.
Did I already say they smell? 

I have been immersed in "boyness" for so long now that I just accept them for what they are.  They are little creatures who love to dig, and create, and make messes, and build, and romp, and jump, and yell, and tag, and throw, and tackle, and fish, and dissect, and explore and wonder. 
But they also like to snuggle.  They want to make me proud.  Boys are handsome.  They are protective.  Boys are very tenderhearted.    Boys give the best hugs.  Boys say what they mean.  They appreciate nature. Boys whisper, "I love you" when I kiss them goodnight. 
Boys are gross, but they are the most amazing creatures on earth and I love them despite their grossness.  My disgusting boys have me wrapped around their germ infested little fingers.


Cindy said...

I grew up the youngest of 3 girls, then I got married and had 3 daughters. I can't relate to any of this! But I loved your descriptions!

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Arthur C said...


What a nice little piece, and as a boy it's all true, not much has changed either.